Over the last couple of years I have really trying to focus on myself, find out who I am and better myself in any way I can, whether that’s physically, emotionally or financially. Although I am not an expert in the ‘ self development ‘ field, here are the things that I have found that helped me shape who I am today.
I truly believe that every woman ( and man, however in this instance I would like to focus on my personal experience, therefore I will say woman ) should take the time to sit down and decide what they want to be. Deciding your values can help you make decision in the future and makes it easier to deal with the parts of life, you may not be enjoying.
YOU ARE A FEMINIST
If you consider yourself a feminist and I am going to assume that you have done your research and understands the basic understading of equality. You earn your own money and don’t depend on the man to support you financially. Depending being the key word here. This isn’t to say that he can’t support you in that way, if you have a mutual agreement that this is what happens, that’s absolutely fine, but you don’t expect a man to look after you. You are giving your other half the sympathy that you expect in return, you give them complements, your support them in their weak moments. You make your own decisions and support and not compete with the women in your life.
YOU HAVE HIGH STANDARDS
How does one decide their standards? You choose them. This can be implied in any sector of your life. I have thought about what my exceptions are of others, how I want to be treated, how much I should be paid for the work I do and learnt to say no to things that have a negative impact on my mental health.
YOU LOOK AFTER YOURSELF
Not in a beauty, fashion or fitness regime kind of sense. You don’t feel the need to compare yourself to others. You know you are your own person and you are in charge of your future. You take to be alone, to gather your thoughts together, before making any major decisions and always do what’s best for your mental health.
YOU ARE KIND
I have been thinking about kindness a lot recently. As harsh as it sounds I sometimes ‘ forget ‘ to be kind. The caring things we do for others ( and I’m not an angel here ) are often done in a selfish way. You are doing it to benefit yourself, you’re kind because you gain something from it not just because you can. Loosing any kind of agenda and doing something nice for those you care about should be a part of everyone’s everyday routine. It’s really not difficult to send a message to a friend say ‘ Hope you have an amazing day ‘, it takes a couple of seconds, but often we get preoccupied with what’s happening in our own lives and forget to do nice things for others. This is something I really want to improve on, so any suggestions will be welcomed.
YOU DON’T TAKE SHIT
If you hear someone say something rude about one of your friends, you pull them up on it. If someone is being unpleasant to you, walk away. No-one should ever raise their voice at you, try to put you or your friends or family down. You don’t have to be rude and tell them to screw themselves. But this is a moment to be vocal and say no to bitching or getting put down.
YOU AVOID DRAMA
I know how hard this can be. Sometimes it’s unavoidable, but try not to cause arguments or stay calm when others try to argue with you. Don’t be reactive and allow emotions in a heat of a moment take over. If people in your life and creating drama for absolutely no reason ( personal experience, this happens far too often ) give them a nice goodnight wave and leave. No-one needs pointless negativity in their lives.
YOU TAKE RESPONSIBILITY
We all make mistakes. I use to struggle to admit to myself or others that I have done something wrong. I make it sound like I’m perfect now, I am definitely not, I do stupid shit all the time. But now I apologise, learn from it and do my best to not make them again. Every time I have made a mistake at work I would go into self defence mechanism, where I would automatically point out all the things that I’ve done so well. Now, I accept that I have made a mistake and ask for constructive criticism. I want to learn from my mistakes, because that’s the only way to better myself.
YOU HAVE YOUR OWN LIFE
Doesn’t matter if it’s having a sport you love to play, where you meet up with your team and focus all your energy own that or you go to a park by yourself to read a book. You have your own things that you do for yourself and you don’t let anyone get in the way of you doing those things. If you are reading this and you don’t have a passion or a project you are currently working on, I would massively recommend you trying out a few new things and see which one you enjoy. Twice a year I make a list of about 10 new things I would like to do/try and for a month I’ll just do those things. It helps me get out of my comfort zone, make new friends and learn about the things you do and don’t enjoy doing.