I have put together my top 5 most ridiculous ways men have tried to ask me out. Some may be cute, some may be funny and some are just straight up STUPID.
THE ONE TIME I HAD ‘ NICE TITS ‘
This was about 10 years ago now, yet I still find this HILARIOUS. I was shopping away in my local Tesco, minding my own business and making my way to the Polish food section. Whilst I was looking at my favourite treats from my home country, two young Polish gentlemen also made their way to the same isle. Now, I know I don’t look ‘ typically ‘ Polish, but these guys clearly didn’t think this through. I was buying Polish food which could be an indication that I might speak the same language as them. So the guys started talking to each other then suddenly one of them goes ‘ wow, look at her, her tits are well nice ‘. It was only politely of me to turn around and reply ‘ THANK YOU ‘. Whilst the guy with the excellent taste went bright red, his mate literally fell to the floor laughing. But apparently this was embarrassing enough for them to apologise and go away. Both of them actually continued talking to me then asked me for my number. I smiled at them, gave them my best ‘ FUCK OFF ‘ face and walked away.
THE FACEBOOK MESSAGE REQUEST
Recently, I have been selling a few bits on the Facebook Market Place. I must admit I have posted a few pictures of me wearing the items, but let’s be honest, flat lays of jumpsuits are not the most flattering or eye catching photos, and the only pieces of clothing I have managed to sell were the ones of me ‘ modelling ‘ ( blehhh ) the clothes. Apparently, that gives random men permission to send me messages such as ‘ looking hot ‘ , ‘ Can I take you out ‘ or ‘ you are gorgeous ‘. Each time I receive a message like this I ignore it, but the most recent one wasn’t funny. The gentlemen, in what I assume is his mid 40’s has send me a‘ you are so hot ‘ message, and when I went to look at his profile, he was in a relationship and ALL OF HIS PICTURES were with his young and attractive girlfriend. As much as this isn’t any of my business, it really annoyed me. It also made me realise that I’m probably not the only girl he has approached this way. So I screenshoted the message he send me and sent it to his girlfriend. The most hilarious part of this was him turning around and saying that I messaged him first saying that ‘ he was really fit‘. Bless your heart, honey pie
QUITE LITERALLY THE DRAMA QUEEN
I know we’ve all had men sliding into our DMs, and I know people who have ended up in happy, long term relationships through meeting on Instagram.This has never been something that has interested me. Except for that one time.... This guy genuinely seemed really sweet and nice and normal and offered me aonce in a lifestyle date experience with absolutely no pressure. He has messaged me saying that he lives locally and that he’s been following me on Instagram for ages and that he has a spare ticket to the ballet. He was suppose to take his grandma, but she couldn't make it anymore ( I mean, how adorable is that ?! ) and asked if I would join him. Initially I said no, I wasn’t going to meet a stranger off Instagram, but then I suggested that we could go for a drink a couple of days before the ballet and if we get on then I’ll consider it. Long story short, I got busy, wasn’t able to meet him beforehand and on the day I decided ‘ BUGGER IT ‘ and went met his outside the theatre. It was a nice date, we didn’t get to talk much as obviously we were watching the play, but we did grab a drink afterwards. As lovely as he was, I was not attracted to him. A couple of days later I send him a message saying that noting was going to come of it to which he followed up with 15 (!) messages trying to explain to me how I was making a mistake, we have had the most magical time together and he could see an amazing future for us. Seriously, we literally spoke for about 30 minutes…
THE MID LIFE CRISIS FIX
Luckily, I’ve had MANY jobs so hopefully no-one will work out who this person was, but this was possibly the most confusing way of asking out someone half your age. I personally don’t have anything against big age gaps, I have dated people 10 years older than me, but this person is basically the same age as my parents and I have never looked at them in a ‘ love interest ‘ kind of way. Anyway, I use to see this guy everyday, we always talked about our families, about our hobbies, the things we like to do on weekends and our love life. I was actually dating someone of the time of this happening but as you may know, I’m never too open about talking about new relationships until things get serious. So one day as per every friday we did the ‘ so what are you doing this weekend? ‘ chat. Perfectly normal. Then, when I got home I received a message from him saying ‘ so come on, what time are we doing this tomorrow then? I know you want to. I can pick you up at 3pm ‘ … there was no hello, I don’t even really know if he meant a date, or sex or whatever he had in mind. I was mainly confused and trying to figure out if I send any wrong kind of signals. So I replied saying ‘ sorry, I think my boyfriend and I are going to the cinema tomorrow ‘ and we never spoke of it again…. I adore the boldness and the confidence, but maybe sometimes being subtle is a safer option.
THE MILLIONAIRE MATCH MAKER
Money has always been the last thing to impress me and it is not something I'd look for in a partner. But I was very impressed when a few weeks ago a millionaire football player has messaged me continuously making date plans with me without even asking if I was interested. I’m not saying all rich and successful people are this way and I was very flattered that he wanted to take me out, however I do usually prefer when the gentleman actually asks me if that's something I would eat to do instead of just saying WE ARE GOING OUT HERE, AT THIS TIME. After I turned him down 5 times I think he finally got the idea.
I just want to say, I know that asking anyone out isn’t easy and I have so much respect for being who put themselves out there.
Key points to keep in mind when asking a girl out:
- make sure you’re actually single first
- don’t say anything offensive or over sexualising
- let the girl decide if she wants to see you again
- Facebook market place isn't Tinder
- NO means NO
- ask her if she’s interested before being forward
- DO NOT SEND HER DICK PICS.