We live in the most contradicting society. Whilst being told to love our bodies, we are constantly presented with the most unrealistic images of what a body should look like. Whilst being convinced that we must accept our imperfections, we get SHAMED for loving ourself. And how are you suppose to win and become truly comfortable in your skin, when so many mixed message are being thrown at us from all angles?
Being a blogger and ‘ putting myself in the public eye ‘ I had to grow a thick skin pretty fast. Putting yourself in this vulnerable position is a perfect tool for those with many options to feel like the have the right to leave you negative comments about you body.
I have spend my teenage years HATING myself. I felt like I was too short, too fat, my boobs and bum were too big and my face was the shape of a moon with a pig’s nose. Being ‘ curvy ‘ meant that I was often referred to as ‘ the polish girl with big boobs’. I felt like I couldn’t go anywhere without being looked at as a sexual object, which made me feel so uncomfortable , I wanted to complete hide my sexuality.
Ironically, the things I have always found most attractive in others, were their imperfections. It was the thing that made them look different to everyone else that made them stand out and made me want to learn more about them. I would always tell them that this was what made me love their ‘ imperfect ‘ noses or freckled faces so much. But I still couldn’t do the same for myself.
Getting into my 20s I become obsessed with the idea of perfection. Here came the crash diets, obsessive exercising, heavy make up, in which I would go to sleep in and top up in the morning, not mentioning researching where I can get surgery to make my fingers look smaller. I mean, how absurd is that ?
I have always been told that self acceptable often does come with age, and fortunately and unfortunately in my case, this turned out to be true. One day I looked in the mirror and I hated what I saw. I didn’t know how anyone could ever love my body and even now, it makes me cringe saying this. Suddenly something clicked. I realised that the only way someone will be able to love me and I will finally be able just to be happy was to accept the fact that THIS IS THE WAY I LOOK AND ALWAYS WILL. So far I have been so great at giving this advise to all my friends, it was time to start giving this advice to myself.
I picked the 3 things I wasn’t happy about it and decided to improve them. Not change, not get new ones, just improve. This is where I get real with y’all. I knew there wasn’t a way of me changing the shape of my hands entirely. I wasn’t blessed with hands of an engagement rings hand model, but instead I have hands of a 4 years old girl. But I could get fake nails, point ones, that appeared to my fingers to look longer. And I’m cool with that. My little wonky, cocktail sausage legs, give me the advantage to ALWAYS be shorter than my other half. The whole idea of them looking ‘ fat ‘ was in my head and it was time to embrace them and get them pins out. The way I realised that my nose was actually beautiful was in the most random of all ways. Going through my mum’s partners magazines, I came across an article about women in India, who would put bandages over the middle section of their face to appear as it they had plastic surgery, same as that the biggest Bollywood starts where getting. Which was a lift at the top of the nose. If the whole freaking country wanted to have a nose like me, why on earth have I spend the last 10 years pulling my turtle neck top over my nose in order to hide it?!
Now, I have accept the things I wasn’t so fond of, I needed to choose the 3 parts of me I actually liked. That part was REALLY hard. I needed to really look at myself and think ‘ THIS IS GREAT ‘ and I have never done such a thing before. I didn’t realise how scary it was until I had to do it. My boobs. I have been gifted with a giant rack and I have been hiding it under an over sized jumper, because I didn’t want people to look at them. But why the hell not? They’re great! They’re natural, they’re a good shape and most importantly, some day they will allow me to feed my babies! I have big lips, on which I get accused of getting fillers on daily bases. My accent. It is impossible to have an awkward silence around me, because my accent indicates that I may come from a place that the person I am speaking to may know nothing about.
Once I have put all of the above into practice, the confidence grew with it. I stopped focusing so much on the negatives and began to love more and more the things that are great about me. Sure, there are still things that I need to work on and days where I just want to hide under the duvet, but I refuse to hate myself. I want to inspire others to learn to love themselves and be comfortable with who they are and I cannot do that, not feeling comfortable about myself. I can proud say and I am happy with my body and I look forward to the changes that are going to come with age. I want every single one of you reading this to feel the same.
Pick the 3 things you like about yourself the most and tell me what they are, whether that’s in the comment below or if you want to keep it private, send me a DM. It would make me so happy to know you are all learning to love yourselves.